Iggy must be a fan of the Monkees

And my traditional role is to tell Iain he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about, and that he’s too in love with the Flames GM and/or coach, one/both of whom needs to be fired. Then he tells me I should stop my knee-jerk Steinbrenner-esque “fire everyone” ranting, shut the hell up and let them do their jobs. Then I call him a name, then he insults my mom, and finally I tell him to meet me by the monkey bars after school so I can kick his head in. (This is how you stay friends for 35 years.)

In this case, though, Iain’s uncontrollable laughter is on the mark. Jarome Iginla, to quote the Monkees (who were quoting Neil Diamond, but let’s not quibble), is a daydream believer.

As much as Iginla wants to believe that he and his teammates haven’t already pissed away all of their playoff lives through indifferent play, even if he thinks they can suddenly throw the switch and run off seven straight wins to salvage the season, they’re STILL going to need help from other teams if they’re going to scrape into the playoffs.

OK, let’s say they can win five of their remaining six games. It’s a big stretch (remember, this is a team that has a ONE GAME winning streak going – and got outshot 20-2 in the third period of that win), but let’s just say they can capture lightning a  bottle and do it. That would give them 95 points.

Colorado already has 89 points. For the Avs to finish with LESS than 95 points, they’d have to lose five of their last seven. (If they lost four of seven, as long as they were all in-regulation losses, that would put them at exactly 95.) It’s not impossible, but as I said, several teams are going to have to beat Colorado on behalf of the Flames to give us a chance to pass the Avs. Or the Avs will have to self-destruct. The point is, we can’t do it without the help of outside forces.

One good thing is, the Flames still play Colorado one more time, on April 2.

There is one very simple way for Calgary to get back even with Colorado. Calgary must win its next game (at home against Phoenix, Wednesday night) and Colorado must lose its next game (same night, at home against Anaheim). Then, two nights later, the Flames must ride into Denver and beat the Avs on their home rink. Voila – tied for eighth place.

But I ain’t holding my breath.