Dear Bruins, Coyotes: Please Help

More scoreboard watching tonight.
It’s quickly becoming the new thing in the Calgary area.
Since the Flames have only played once in the past six days, its stunning 5-4 comeback, shootout win over the despised Edmonton Oilers on Saturday, and the fact that everybody has already ripped their NCAA brackets by now, Calgarians have been longing for some action in the sports world.
The two most important games from Calgary’s perspective this evening are Chicago’s visit to Boston and Dallas’ trip to desert in Phoenix.
However, the likelihood of any Flames players watching the action tonight is minimal. At yesterday’s press conference, most of them, led by captain Jarome Iginla, said they don’t like to watch the scoreboard and would rather focus on their own efforts.
But wins by the Blackhawks and the Ducks last night added to the Flames’ external woes, as both moved two points further ahead in the tight race for the Western Conference’s eighth and final playoff spot.
They may be forced to watch. Just like the rest of us.
It’s been said about every game Calgary has played in recent memory, but tomorrow night’s game at the Scotiabank Saddledome, against the surging Anaheim Ducks, is absolutely critical.
It’s a chance for Calgary to gain points on a team ahead of them, as well as bridging the all-important games-in-hand gap between itself and the Ducks. I’m really not looking forward to this one, however, as 40-year-old Teemu Selanne is hotter than Virginia Commenwealth (the No. 11 seed that made the Final Four, for those three people unaware) and Corey Perry seems to have hit his stride at the right time of the seaosn (if you’re a Ducks fan).
What Calgary needs is the border officer who arrested Jackass’ Steve-O at the airport Sunday, on a charge from eight years ago, to find something in Selanne’s past and make a similar detainment.
Specifically from about 7:30 p.m. to 10 p.m. MST tomorrow night.
As a huge fan of the Finnish Flash, I don’t wish any harm upon him; I would just prefer if he were inactive for tomorrow night’s climactic game.
Perry, too.