6 surefire strategies to get Jonathan Huberdeau going

Since Jonathan Huberdeau’s arrival in Calgary, the Flames have made many attempts to unlock the former 115-point scorer’s full potential. The $10.5 million man has played on both the right and left wings, he’s spent time with Nazem Kadri, Elias Lindholm, Mikael Backlund, and others in the organization, he’s played on both power play units, and recently, he’s even been benched. Here are some more creative tactics that Craig Conroy and Ryan Huska could turn to now that the situation with Huberdeau is approaching one of desperation.

1. Live feed of Huberdeau on the Saddledome jumbotron and Sportsnet picture-in-picture frame for the entirety of a game

If Hubderdeau knows all eyes are on him, whether he’s on the bench, taking a s*^t, or conducting a massive spin-o-rama, perhaps his game will immediately elevate.

2. Healthy scratch Huberdeau, but instead of having him sit in the press box, have him dress as Harvey the Hound for a game or two

By getting to the know the fans up close and personal, Huberdeau may be able to find the motivation he needs to increase his production. Maybe he’ll even find that dawg in him.

3. Partner with a food delivery service to provide Huberdeau with unlimited intermission poutine for the rest of the season

Maybe all Huberdeau needs is a constant taste of Québec and a diet reset. By providing him with poutine, the official provincial dish of French Canada, Huberdeau will not only feel more at home, he’ll also have more calories to draw energy from.

4. Trade the entire Flames roster except for Huberdeau and MacKenzie Weegar to the Florida Panthers in exchange for their entire roster minus Matthew Tkachuk

If the Flames really are exploring potential trades, like the prospective Duclair trade we mentioned earlier this week, to get Huberdeau going, why not make a move that gives Huska options Huberdeau is more familiar with than his current teammates?

5. Install a sandy beach in the hallway leading from the Flames’ dressing room to the ice

If Huberdeau is still struggling with the relocation from south Florida to Calgary, a sandy beach like they have in Florida might be all he needs to find his game. To ensure it’s the last thing he touches before hitting the ice for home games, the sand could lead right from the locker room door to the ice surface entrance. While it might not be the best for the players’ skate blades, it would be a small price to pay compared to Huberdeau’s AAV.

6. Pay Huberdeau a little extra under the table

Since taxes, groceries, and other bills facing Albertans are making life more challenging lately, maybe all Huberdeau needs is a little more money. Conroy could definitely afford a bi-weekly brown paper bag delivery of tax-free cash dropped at Huberdeau’s address. Money talks, so why not make $10.5 million $11 million to match his old jersey number?

This article is 100% satire. The Flames should NOT try any of things to unlock their highest paid player. Sometimes – when times are tough – a little humour goes a long way. I’m still rooting for Huberdeau and hope the fans cheer hard for him tonight.