Calgary Flames: Who each player would be in a horror movie

CALGARY, AB - OCTOBER 27: Assistant coach Dave Cameron of the Calgary Flames instructs the players against the Dallas Stars during an NHL game on October 27, 2017 at the Scotiabank Saddledome in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. (Photo by Gerry Thomas/NHLI via Getty Images)
CALGARY, AB - OCTOBER 27: Assistant coach Dave Cameron of the Calgary Flames instructs the players against the Dallas Stars during an NHL game on October 27, 2017 at the Scotiabank Saddledome in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. (Photo by Gerry Thomas/NHLI via Getty Images) /

Halloween can either be a fun time or a spooky time, depending on the kind of person you are. Let’s see who each Calgary Flames player would be in a horror movie.

Depending on who you are, you either love scary movies or you hate scary movies. And with Calgary Flames players, it’s the same thing. I personally love horror movies, but something I hate sometimes is the characters. Again, you either love a character or hate a character. I hate the ones who always think it’s a brilliant idea to go where they hear a noise because they’re obviously going to die.

Anyways, all that aside, let’s check out who each Flame would be in a horror movie (this is in no specific order).

Johnny Gaudreau – The first to die

We already know that Johnny Gaudreau scares easily.

He’s also quite small and he seems like the kind of guy who may not have a whole lot street smarts. He would be that character you’re yelling at through your screen like, “Don’t go in there!” Johnny would hear a noise and immediately go towards that noise and check it out, making him the first one to die. It wouldn’t even be that, it would be that he would be an easy target for whatever killer/demon is out there trying to kill people. It’s a good thing he’s good a hockey.

Jaromir Jagr – The lone survivor

Jaromir Jagr is an ageless wonder. In a horror movie, he would be the lone survivor. If this was I Am Legend, he would be Will Smith. If this was a horror movie that had a bunch of sequels (maybe something like Scream), he would be the one who keeps making it to the next sequels because he just never dies.

Related Story: Hey Jaromir Jagr, you're really old

Mike Smith – The Killer

Let’s face it, Mike Smith with his beard was quite creepy.

VANCOUVER, BC – OCTOBER 14: Mike Smith /

He also gets angry often.

Let’s be real, he would absolutely be the killer in a horror movie. He would be the Jason, but he doesn’t even need the mask. Even if he wasn’t the killer, someone would piss him off enough (Johnny) that he’d end up just killing them anyway.

Kris Versteeg – The disturber

Kris Versteeg would be the one who’s already dead at the start of the movie, but he’s a ghost that lurks around and just messes with people because he’s bored and decides to haunt some different Calgary Flames players houses. Just for fun.

Sean Monahan – The unbeknownst zombie

Sean Monahan would be the one who gets turned into a zombie very early on in the movie, but nobody really notices. No character in the movie would notice and nobody watching the movie would know it either. I mean, they don’t call him “Boring Sean Monahan” for nothing.

Matt Stajan – The protector

Matt Stajan is such a dad. He would be the smart one and try to protect everyone, even if it means putting himself on the line. He would be the one guarding the door shut as he tells everyone else to go hide. Thanks, Staj.

Matthew Tkachuk – The annoying one

If there’s one annoying character, it’s Matthew Tkachuk. He would be the one who would see a black hole and pretend to fall inside as a joke, but would actually end up falling inside. He would be the boy who cries wolf by pretending to get hurt, but it ends up being a joke. So when he’s actually in trouble, nobody believes him. He’d be the annoying one who calls you up saying, “seven days”, but when it actually happens to him, nobody believes him, so he dies.

Dougie Hamilton – “Uhhh guys… guys…”

Dougie Hamilton wouldn’t exactly have an important role. He would kind of stand around and just keep saying, “Uhhh guys… guys…” but nobody ever pays attention to him. There could be a demon on the roof and he just keeps going “Uhhh guys….” but nobody really listens to him and everyone goes to the next room and he just kind of runs along with them because he doesn’t want to stay in a room with a demon.

Mark Giordano – The wise one that nobody listens to

As a captain should, he’s always looking out for the rest of the Calgary Flames team. Mark Giordano actually has some decent ideas, but kids who don’t listen (Like Tkachuk or Gaudreau) would ignore him and that’s why they die early on in the movie. Johnny would hear a noise and want to go check it out, Gio would go, “I’m not so sure that’s a smart idea man,” but Johnny goes anyways. Always listen to your dad, kids.

T.J. Brodie – The one trying to call the cops

T.J. Brodie is a good Samaritan.

He would constantly be trying to call the cops, yet he doesn’t even realize that the phone lines have been disconnected. That doesn’t stop him, he continuously keeps trying to call the cops. The police can’t save you, Brods.

Eddie Lack – There for the tacos

He’s just there for the tacos.

Sam Bennett – The one who lived

Sam Bennett would be there at the beginning but would disappear early on in the movie. Nobody knows what happened to him, nobody watching the movie, not the characters in the movie. Everyone thinks he ended up dying. But he shows up close to the end just casually eating a sandwich being like, “hey what’s up guys?” and everyone starts crying because they thought their beloved Bennett died. But he was there the whole time. He just left to go try and sell some sunglasses.

Related Story: How many sunglasses can Sam Bennett buy?

Troy Brouwer – The sacrificee

Troy Brouwer would be the one that everyone on the Calgary Flames sacrifices because, let’s face it, he’s useless.

Micheal Ferland – The one who saves, but also needs saving

That got deep. But Micheal Ferland would also one of the smarter guys and would be helping and saving everyone on the Calgary Flames. Because of this, he’s one of the last ones to live. But ultimately, he’ll need saving too. Unfortunately, the only other one who survived is Jaromir Jagr, and Jagr’s too old to help him.

Ferland would be falling into a black hole in the ground and here’s how the conversation would happen.

Jagr: I’m too slow:) 3on3 would kill me:)

Ferland: Jagr man just grab my hand I’m falling.

Jagr: Fans:) too slow:)

Mikael Backlund – The dog lover

Mikael Backlund‘s love for dogs would ultimately kill him in the end. He would see a dog and go, “Oh! A dog!” and let it into the house but it ends up being an evil dog with radioactive rabies (I don’t know if that’s a thing) and it bites him and turns him into some sort of evil zombie and everyone would end up dying. All because he wanted to pet the dog.

Travis Hamonic – He lives

Travis Hamonic lives and I have no reason for it, but he’s a good person and deserves to live, ok? He was busy saving children and good karma came for him.

Related Story: Travis Hamonic - Off-ice hero

Michael Frolik – The one who didn’t die

Early on in the movie, everyone witnesses Michael Frolik dying. They’re all sad, but they need to move on. But later, Fro shows up eating some Froyo, and everyone is all like “?????” So if Frolik is here, who got killed?

It was Ashton Kutcher. I mean, the resemblance is uncanny.

ANAHEIM, CA – OCTOBER 9 2017. (Photo by Debora Robinson/NHLI via Getty Images)
ANAHEIM, CA – OCTOBER 9 2017. (Photo by Debora Robinson/NHLI via Getty Images) /
BUDAPEST, HUNGARY – AUGUST 10 2017: (Photo by Joseph Okpako/WireImage).
BUDAPEST, HUNGARY – AUGUST 10 2017: (Photo by Joseph Okpako/WireImage). /

Curtis Lazar – Too trusting

A demon would fake being a human and convince Curtis Lazar to help them out with something. And he does so with a smile on his face because he’s too trusting and loves everyone. But that demon then takes over his body and goes to where the team is at and everyone dies.

Matt Bartkowski – Gets everyone killed

Matt Bartkowski would be bad at any task given and messes everything up and it keeps bringing the rest of the guys down. But for some reason, they keep giving him tasks and nobody knows why. And because of this, everyone gets killed.

Say his role is to make sure all the doors and barricades remain closed during the Purge. But he seems someone across the street, as the Purge has already commenced, and opens up the doors. Killers get into the house and kill everyone. But it’s the team’s fault anyway because they were the ones who gave him these tasks in the first place.

Calgary Flames
Calgary Flames /

Calgary Flames

Brett Kulak – Saves the day

The audience watching the movie keep wondering why Brett Kulak, who isn’t doing anything, isn’t asked to do these tasks that Bartkowski keeps messing up. Finally, one player has the brilliant idea to let Kulak have a go. And he’s much better than anything Bartkowski was doing. So they ultimately sacrifice Bartkowski to keep Kulak.

Michael Stone – Just kind of there

Michael Stone would sort of just be there with no specific role. The audience forgets he’s there. But he’ll make a bad move and they’ll be like, “Oh yeah. This guy’s here.”

Freddie Hamilton – The fake ghost

Freddie Hamilton would be dressing up as a ghost trying to scare the rest of his teammates as a joke. But one of the teammates thinks he’s a real ghost and ends up killing him. And because of this, his younger brother, Dougie, can’t handle the thought of being alive without his brother and sacrifices himself.

Tanner Glass – Why is he here?

Tanner Glass was initially introduced to the Calgary Flames friend group before anything spooky started happening. Nobody really knew why he kept hanging around since nobody really liked him, but he was always there. Then when things got real and the guys started getting haunted, Glass was for some reason there along with them. But why? Why was he there? Nobody even remembers who initially introduced him. Nobody even really likes him, but he’s always around.

Mark Jankowski – The late joiner

The purge is happening and they all already have a plan. But people like Bartkowski and Glass keep messing everything up, and the guys on the Calgary Flames see some guy like Mark Jankowski across the street, so they decide to bring him into their house as they’re setting everything up to be ready for the Purge and he actually ends up being quite useful. So useful that they decide to give Bennett a different role and it suits him much better too. Thanks, Janko.

Next: Johnny Gaudreau is already miles better than last season

And there are all the roles for the Calgary Flames players! Spooky!